Just a Coug toiling with observational humor of This Mortal Coil...
It's Giving Audacity.
Unique Gifts for Her... Because Life is too short for Boring Gifts!
Scarlett's Stories
Scarlett's Snarky Stories
Aura ~ It's time to Sage-Off
Baker - More Emotional Alchemy
Clinic ~ A Tale of his Midlife Crisis
Moderation ~ Flirting with Moderation
Marketplace Guerilla
Grandma's Beaver
Grandma's Platforms
Grandma's Grooming Kit
Auntie Zan's Domi-Matrix Overcoat
Auntie Zan's Domi-Matrix MaryJanes
Auntie Zan's Corset & Tutu
I joined a sound bath circle, and now I judge people by their auras and their shoe choices.
She remembers when Kung Fu was a disco song
She hums at 432hz now and only answers
texts during the waning moon.
Her crystals are emotionally unavailable,
her plants thrive on compliments alone,
and her shadow wears colored mascara on natural lashes.
Todd once showed up in flip-flops
and she banished him with a tuning fork
and a single arched brow.
She claims she’s calm...
but she saged the mail human.
I bake because slapping
Chuckleheads is frowned upon.
Her kitchen smells like therapy wrapped
in parchment paper. When the world gets loud,
she answers with buttercream diplomacy,
smoothing tempers with a spatula like it’s statecraft.
.
Cupcakes rise like tiny peace treaties,
before dissolving into cinnamon apologies.
She folds sorrow into the dough like brown sugar,
and serves her memories warm..
dusted with powdered discretion.
She doesn’t just bake—she transforms.
Worry caramelizes, heartbreak softens,
and laughter rises like yeast in the quiet.
It’s less baking… and more emotional alchemy.
His midlife crisis would have been cheaper
if he bought a yellow convertible
and crashed it into a hair plug clinic.
It always starts with a new watch...
sleek, expensive, ticking louder than his conscience.
Then comes the car, low-slung and lacquered,
growling down the cul-de-sac like an apology with chrome.
He sheds his wedding ring the way snakes shed skin -
slow, practiced, pretending it’s growth.
And there she is: half his age, twice as impressed,
clinging to his arm like an accessory
while he rehearses the “bad boy” he never got to be
as a high school nerd. It smells of leather, petrol,
and denial with a faint top note of panic.
By the time he gets the tattoo, she’s drafting a memoir called
No Regrets, emerging his standard-issue MLC, because everyone is exactly where they need to be.... Liberated.
Who's this moderation person
everyone wants me to drink with?
She flirted with moderation once...
it ended faster than a bad blind date.
He wanted calm evenings,
to be coddled like another child, and portion control.
She wanted champagne at sunrise,
a soundtrack for her exit,
and dessert that required a legal waiver.
Now she measures joy in decibels, not teaspoons.
If she’s too much, go find less -
he’s probably at home alphabetizing
the spice rack by geographical origin,
whining like a cry-baby to other poor-me’s.
Grandma's Beaver
A Tale of Fur, Fire, and Forbidden Whispers
$1,000,000
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the crown jewel of our family legacy: Great Grandma’s Beaver. For decades, it has been stroked, admired, whispered about in hushed tones at cocktail parties, and... most importantly - kept impeccably groomed.
Truth be told...
Grandma’s Platforms
A Tale of Height, Heat and Heritage $100
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present another scandal from the family vault: Grandma’s men’s Size 13 leopard-print platform shoes.
Everyone remembers Grandma for her Beaver, her casseroles, her Sunday pearls. Few remember these beasts. They weren’t shoes. They were party armor. One slip into these sky-high audacities and she wasn’t a widow from Moosejaw anymore -
she was the headliner at a supper club called Velvet Fang....
Grandma’s Grooming Kit
A Tale of Steel, Scents, and Suggestion - $100
From the velvet shadows of her vanity, we present Grandma’s Parisian Grooming Kit. At first glance? Silver scissors, crystal bottles, brushes fit for a lady’s toilette. But in Grandma’s hands, this wasn’t hygiene—it was alchemy.
By daylight, it polished her brows, lips, and reputation. By night, it doubled as a Prohibition cocktail kit. Those crystal vials weren’t just perfume; they held Canadian moonshine, bitters, and the makings of a CPR-style martini, complete with olives pilfered from the dining car.
She carried it everywhere...
Auntie Zan’s Matrix Overcoat
A Tale of Vinyl, Vows, and Firm Promises
$400
Rare as a blue diamond, rarer still as a blue-eyed ginger -
Auntie Zan had fire in her hair, frost in her gaze, and just enough appetite to make both dangerous. By day she romanced tongues with her chef’s touch, coaxing flavors into love affairs that lingered long after dessert. By night? She was a dominatrix moonlighting in elevated cages at Bondage-A-Go-Go, her clientele a waiting list of Silicon Valley’s boldest CEOs.
And this floor-length Matrix vinyl overcoat was her banner.
Shiny as sin, heavy as judgment, and loud enough to announce her entrance before she spoke. When she swept into a room, the coat didn’t follow... it led, demanding obedience from bar stools to bishops.
Family lore insists
Scarlett's Stories
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Celebrating the fun, the fabulous and fierce individuality
in us all.
Meet the Maker — Scarlett Cougar
Sherry McGuire is the creator and curator behind Scarlett Cougar, a pop art gift line known for its bold humor, irreverent charm, and refusal to take this mortal coil too seriously. From snarky greeting cards to giggle-snorting tea towels and aprons, Scarlett Cougar celebrates the art of laughing loudly and living unapologetically.
She is also the artist behind Alchemyic Artisan, a body of mixed-media work that transforms relics, raw materials, and forgotten matter into soulful objects steeped in story. (Yep, there are not just stories, but soliloquies there!) Her layered creations weave together paint, wood, metal, ephemera, and found objects—each piece a portal into the archetypes that shape our shared human experience.
Before launching these two worlds, Sherry spent 18 years as a salon owner proudly representing Aveda in San Jose and built a career as a Creative Art Director in Silicon Valley, specializing in packaging design. Today, she continues her craft in hair design at her private studios Beauty Love Alchemy in Morgan Hill & Paso Robles, where artistry, storytelling, and transformation remain at the heart of her work.
That same spirit of reinvention drives everything she creates—whether she’s designing fine art, bold gifts, or unforgettable moments of laughter.
Give Scarlett Cougar a shout!
