I hear much concern from both genders about what I call Dubious Digital Dating... To Start, I guess it's important to establish the vernacular and lay the groundwork for the Digital Dating Vocab: Double Tapping This is some ridiculous Millenial thing called Double Tapping. It's like passing notes in class, with your names in hearts. They double tap a photo of like a cute teddy bear and tag another in it. It is the most removed digital nod indicating that someone is interested. Booooooo. Casper Up! Ghosting is probably among the most popular term in digital dating. There is interfacing, and then nothing. The vanishing act. Now, I imagine this has been going on for decades... it's just that the abundant interaction of ambivalent digital dating is so unlike the days of physically connecting. Remember having to dress up, try your manners on, get in a group gathering, actually meet AND talk, maybe even dance with another person at a club? Well, the instant gratification of swiping, texting and digital dismissal all now is seemingly ordinary. Dare I suggest people are playing a numbers game? A Digital Tether Breadcrumbing proceeds Ghosting. It is inane blather sent over text, just keeping the loosest human link possible. Random photos or vague non-commital statements are lobbed over text to take the other's temperature. A digital tether where the "relationship" is kept on a string just in case they need to text and feel connected. HERRO! Junior high called, and they want their dumbass back! Riding the Pine Benching precedes Breadcrumbing which likely results in Ghosting. The digital act of Benching is after you have something of an established relationship cadence, the other slowly slips away - and you do not even realize it until they are spotted out with another. Why? Well, I've heard from all demographics this exact thing; BeCaUsE! "[Nobody] wants to WASTE their time". A Numbers Game Okay? So we have established that Digital Dating is a fast forward cheat to consume and dispense with as many potentials UNTIL your Unicorn shows up in that impossible digital window. And what does that Unicorn look like, if you are playing a numbers game? Have you defined what you are looking for? Have you defined what you have to offer? Have you done your work to make perhaps yourself available, rather than pigeon-holing yourself into an impossible scenario? WAIT! I'm getting ahead of myself... A Humanoid Experience What about holding a space for actually having the interaction you crave? Like a REAL conversation with a humanoid? A giggle? A shared nostalgic memory of Scooby Do? The exchange of looking pupil to pupil with another human - WITHOUT agenda... just to make that person welcome as a friend? Herro? The Sum of your Parts The sum of our parts is not the bloodline we are born into, or the degree on the wall or the bank account established. I mean, those are all good... It's how you show up for yourself and your community... NOW there is something tangible. So grab your dog, or borrow one. Find a local community venue with an outdoor band, pack a picnic, invite some friends, load the lawn chairs & dog and have a human experience. Meet friends of friends. The people you are in community with really might be the biggest sum of your parts. Who know's you might actually meet someone. WORD.
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